Lonely

After Kevin left Chapel Hill, I arranged my life with a full schedule, planning to do such many things as cleaning, moving, decorating new apartment, having hair cut and learning dancing and cake decoration, and even learning Japanese. Besides, I have borrowed several books from the library. It seems I want to use these things to fill in every minute in the 3 months while I need to live alone in Chapel Hill. These things, however, could keep me busy but not peaceful and satisfied. Last night, very late, I received a goodnight message from Kevin (I had missed his call and he had already slept at that time), and suddenly began to miss him very much. I felt particularly lonely. I tried to call my parents but I won’t let them worry about me (It was around 2:30am and I hadn’t slept) Looking at the faint light through the window blind, I felt the night especially quiet and the room especially empty. I missed my parents and my love so much that I decided to call my parents to hear their voice. Unfortunately, I found no money remained in the old phone card and I could not remember the new card’s pin number which I can only check through email. But the internet had not been installed in the new apartment and thus I could not access to my email. Tears could not be held any more…I began to cry like a child who got lost helplessly. It’s the first time I felt so lonely and missed my parents and my love so much (when I left my hometown to go to university, I did not cry like this). I listened to music trying to let the lonely feeling get away. However, the grieved lyric neither could let me calm down.

Wiping the tears, I opened a small book Jesus Calling which has one or two paragraphs in each page. I looked at the page of June 4th. It seemed God had known my circumstance and told me the following worlds:“You have Me beside you and My spirit within you, so no set of circumstances is too much for you handle. When the path before you is dotted with difficulties, beware of measuring you strength against those challenges.” “Let your thoughts ad spoken words be richly flavored with trust and thankfulness. Regardless of the day’s problems, I can keep you in perfect peace as you stay close to Me.”

I suddenly realized I was not alone. God always stays with me and gives me the powerful strength to handle the life no matter how difficult sometimes it is. What I need to do is to face the life optimistically and thankfully because God makes the plan for me and surely lets me gain peace in His plan. Only His spirit rather than the full schedule can really enrich my life.

I finally could fall asleep peacefully. This morning when I woke up, the first thing I did was to pray God and then opened that small book to read the brand new page—June 5th.